How to Increase Confidence During A Big Life Change

Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

How to Increase Confidence During A Big Life Change

Posted on: April 10th, 2019 by Kelsey Ruffing, LCPC

Humans are creatures of habit. We like to go to the same coffee shop and order the same drink from the same barista every day before work. We have our routines and we stick to them. This can be a healthy way of functioning, but this habitual nature can also lead to great difficulty when adjusting to change. It can also keep people from initiating change in their lives, whether that is finding a new job, moving to a new city, or starting a new degree program. Change can leave people feeling uncertain and anxious because it is different from what we know, and it can feel risky to alter that comfortable routine.

So, what holds us back from making big life change? Most would answer “fear”. You wouldn’t be wrong. Fear certainly holds us back from many opportunities for growth in life. However, there is something even deeper than fear that inhibits us from leaning in to change, and that is confidence. One’s own belief in themselves and their capabilities is the underlying cause of resistance to change. The more self-confidence you have, the more capable you feel you are of being successful. The less self-confidence you have, the more likely you are to believe you will fail and the more resistant to change you will become.

It really is ok to fail. Sometimes we have to take the leap and prove to ourselves that we really are capable of adjusting to change. Individuals that thrive when change occurs are confident because they have faced change before head-on and have failed. Ironically, failure and the overcoming of failure lead to greater self-confidence. When we test ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, etc., we realize we can push beyond the boundaries we set for ourselves. When we test ourselves we learn that we are so much more capable than we thought we were. When we fail, we are forced to adjust, to learn more about ourselves, and to try again.

Perhaps someone is not ready to jump right in to change, and that is okay. There are other ways to boost self-confidence before taking the action. It is important to note, the more these interventions are practiced, the greater the impact they will have on self-confidence.

Self-talk is everything. What you say to yourself daily influences how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself. Negative self-talk certainly outweighs positive self-talk in individuals lacking self-confidence. Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk can be a process and take time. The first step is to recognize your negative self-talk and become aware of it. The next step is to replace the negative with a positive in the moment.

Reflect back on accomplishments. We truly do not give ourselves enough credit for what we have accomplished in our lifetime. Take some time to write a list of successes and try to remember what those accomplishments meant to you at that time. Reflecting back on times you overcame adversity, won an award, or completed a difficult task at work allows you to recognize your capabilities and can boost self-confidence greatly.

Do something different. Remember that monotonous daily routine you have? Try to mix it up a little by implementing one small thing into your day or week. This could be trying a new place to eat, saying hi to a stranger, switching up that shade of lipstick, or reading at night instead of watching T.V. Implementing one small thing can ease you into change, add more variety, and increase positive feelings. Once you see small change is not so bad, big change may not seem so scary.

Affirmations are a must. Affirmations are positive statements we recite to ourselves daily. Affirmations have been shown to increase happiness, but they are also a great way to increase self-confidence. An affirmation for self-confidence would look something like “I am capable of handling anything that comes my way” or “I have what it takes to be successful in life”. Although you may not believe it right away when saying it, through daily repetition your brain will come to accept these statements and believe them to be true.

It is normal to feel hesitant when facing a big life change and having fear of the unknown is very common, but becoming resistant to change can be maladaptive to our health. Building upon self-confidence in order to feel capable of navigating change is key to ultimately becoming successful after the change has occurred. Building self-confidence is also the key to getting out of your comfort zone and exploring the variety of options that life has to offer. You might just surprise yourself and find that the change you were scared to make, is actually the change you needed!

The Boss, The Rock, and Don Draper walk into a therapist’s office…

Posted on: October 5th, 2016 by Justin Tobin

Written by: Justin Tobin

You know how that one goes, right?  Or maybe you don’t.  Because men, ‘real men’ like Bruce Springsteen, Dwayne Johnson, and Jon Hamm wouldn’t need therapy.  They don’t get depressed or anxious.  Or if they did, they certainly wouldn’t talk about it openly.  Or let it be known they have worked with a psychotherapist. But it turns out, that’s not true.  All three of these respected male celebrities have experienced and talked openly about their struggles with their mental health; Bruce Springsteen recently got candid about his lifelong struggle with depression in his new autobiography.  And it is time more men took their cue without fearing it would strip them of their masculinity.

frustrated young business man

Depression is prevalent in our society, and you’ve probably come across the staggering statistics one way or another: 15 million American adults experience depression in a given year; which breaks down to about 5 million men and 10 million women.  I personally think the rates are grossly underreported, especially for men, primarily due to the lingering stigma of depression. Too many men hide their depression from their wives, girlfriends, husbands, and boyfriends for fear of burdening them with their problems.  They hide their depression from their friends and family for fear of being seen as weak and not able to handle their problems or rise to life’s challenges.  Hiding not only echoes the belief that being depressed is not normal or healthy for a man, it also causes unnecessary isolation and crushing loneliness.

It would be unfair to fault the depressed man for not outwardly acknowledging or talking about their depression.  Simply put, they may not be ready to address their depression.  But there are many men who have decided to speak out, be honest, and shed shame.  And because some of these are high profile men like Springsteen, Johnson, and Hamm, it has made it easier to talk about in general because these men have been helping to flip the stigma upside down through their honesty.  We can even look to revered heroes such as Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt and successful artists like Mark Twain and F. Scott Fitzgerald – they have all dealt with depression and found a way to reveal their struggles as part of their collective histories we can all learn from with fuller perspectives and appreciation for what it means to be a man working through mental health issues.

More men today need to follow this lead on talking about their depression.  Depression does not need to define who you are.  Like a Springsteen song, you can also be in charge of your own story.

 

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