When we love someone—whether it’s a close friend, spouse, sibling, parent, or child—we naturally want to see them thriving and living their best life. But when they’re struggling, especially with something as challenging as depression, it’s common to feel unsure and even helpless about how to offer the support they truly need. Understanding how to help while also maintaining healthy boundaries can make all the difference in both their well-being and your own.
Knowing the Difference Between Sadness and Depression
While it’s not your responsibility to diagnose a loved one with depression, it’s important to be aware of the difference between typical sadness and depression. Sadness is often a temporary reaction to life events and situations, but depression is more persistent and can affect a person’s ability to function day-to-day. If your loved one seems consistently low over a period of several weeks or months, withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed, or showing changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels, they may be struggling with depression. As fall sets in and winter approaches, it’s also important to recognize that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that can affect many people during these colder, darker months. The shorter days and reduced sunlight can trigger these shifts, making it essential to be aware of this seasonal pattern and to consider ways to support your loved one who might be experiencing it.
Understanding Your Role
It’s essential to understand the difference between being responsible for someone’s mental health versus being supportive of someone’s mental health. When we feel responsible for a loved one’s emotions—like their depression—it can lead to unhealthy dynamics, guilt, frustration and burnout. We might try to “fix” their feelings, believing their emotional state is our burden to carry. On the other hand, being supportive means offering empathy, encouragement, and a listening ear, while recognizing that we can’t control or solve what they’re going through. Knowing this distinction is important because it empowers us to maintain our boundaries, care for ourselves, and avoid emotional exhaustion, while still showing up as a compassionate presence for our loved one in need.
Support Comes In Many Forms
Support for someone with depression can look different depending on the person and their unique needs at any given time. For one person, support might simply mean being a listening ear, giving them space to talk through their feelings without trying to problem-solve, offer solutions or “fix” them. For another, it might look like offering a distraction—sharing a laugh, watching a movie, or doing something fun together to lighten their mood. Yet for someone else, practical help like taking on a chore or running an errand could be the most meaningful form of support, easing their burden when daily tasks feel overwhelming. It’s important to recognize that support isn’t one-size-fits-all, and the type of support needed can vary day-to-day for someone suffering from depression.
It may be helpful to gently ask your loved one what kind of support would be most meaningful to them. If they’re unsure, you can offer a few options, like being available to listen, helping with daily tasks, or spending time together in a way that feels comfortable. Showing flexibility and understanding can open the door for them to express their needs. However, if they don’t know what kind of support they need, don’t underestimate the power of simply being present. Sometimes, just showing up and offering any kind of help—whether emotional or practical—can speak volumes, even if they can’t articulate what they need in the moment.
Helping Yourself Helps Others
When a loved one is suffering from depression, it’s easy to pour all your energy into supporting them, but it’s just as important to take care of yourself. Self-care is not selfish—it’s essential for maintaining your own emotional and mental health, which ultimately makes you a stronger support system. Self-care can include setting aside time to recharge, like going for a walk, spending time with friends, or engaging in a favorite hobby. Incorporating mindfulness can help too; for example, when you start feeling overwhelmed, pause and take a few deep breaths to ground yourself in the present moment. Reframing thoughts can also be powerful—you can remind yourself that while you care deeply for your loved one, it’s okay to acknowledge that you can’t fix everything. Simple acts, like journaling your emotions or taking breaks to focus on your own needs, are critical. These practices allow you to maintain balance, ensuring that you’re not only there for your loved one but also for yourself.
Support isn’t Singular
No matter how helpful your support is to your loved one, support is more effective when it comes from multiple sources. It’s crucial to recognize that they may need more support than you alone can provide, especially in cases of severe depression. Managing depression often requires a network of care that includes one’s friends, family, therapists and community resources. Community resources can include mental health clinics, support groups, crisis hotlines, community centers, religious organizations, nonprofit organizations and exercise and recreation programs. Many employers offer Workplace Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide confidential counseling and support services for employees dealing with personal challenges. It’s important to have crisis information available in case your loved one begins to express feelings of hopelessness, such as talking about not wanting to live.
It’s okay to encourage your loved one to reach out to additional sources of care, as healing often comes from a combination of professional, social, and personal support systems. Encouraging a loved one to seek additional forms of support, such as a community resource, can be a delicate process, however. Start by opening the conversation about their feelings and normalizing the idea of seeking help, emphasizing that it’s a brave step many take. Offer to research resources together, suggesting a trial run to reduce pressure. Let them know you’re there to support them—whether that means accompanying them to their first appointment or sharing success stories from others. Encourage small steps and check in on their feelings, but ultimately, respect their pace and decision-making process as they navigate their journey.
Help is Available
Supporting a loved one through depression can feel overwhelming, but remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you or your loved one is ready to take the next step—whether that means seeking guidance on how to provide support or pursuing professional help—reaching out to Tobin Counseling Group can be a valuable resource. We’re here to help you both find the support you need to foster healing and growth together.
